Somethings starts when the road ends. I
went down the rabbit hole of death and suffering and found that my reality was
a construct, a model of reality created by a dreaming mind, creating experience
that reinforced the beliefs I always longed for. That’s how it was with Satan
of yesterday, up until the darkest nightmares of last night, a belief in a
supernatural force of negation. I went down that hole and found that all experience
confirmed my initial suspicions. That the dark path in question took me took me
to new layers of understanding, arriving at the conclusion that light is dark
and dark is light.

It really worked. My reality transformed to
a magical place, hounted by barking dogs from hell, bats flying in precision,
girls dressed in forbidden clothes, elders walking by with a hint of evil in their
eyes. But it was love, dark and twisted and pure. The problem was that it became
impossible to control. Like a fire from a hollow sphere, the force consuming me
in an evil embrace, like the light was getting sucked out of me.

A nightmare.

I started to think about it. My life has
always been the same. Occult experience, reinforced by belief, always wonderful
in the beginning, creating celestial experience, creating pressure to abandon
rationality for the object of love. Getting lost. It progressed from the God of
the past, moving beyond the trivial, getting darker with time. Up and downs,
hidden rooms and corners. Finally I arrived at Satanism and met the dark lord.

He was not ugly but dressed in different robes.
Disguised as women and powerful men, layers of sophistication, giving techings
of an otherworldly kind. My writings prove it. My writings improved as my intellect
expanded and experience transformed my imagination to something otherwordly. I had
a dark enlightenment, a series of encounters with mysterious people, events, internal
states. It was an ocean of love giving birth to illusions.

And these illusions created a model of
Satan, but modified themselves on the way, giving illusions of unpredictability.
That’s when I started to believe in the objectivity of my experiences. Satan
was there, occult experience conforming my world view, impossible to crack no
matter the scepticism.

This is how religion works.

My religion was Satanism. But it was darker
than anything else. The deck of cards shifted when the imagination of myself
compared closely to the dark lord I met. I had created a world of illusion that
was mistaken as objective. I thought that the world was real. That’s insanity.

Satan consumed me in an unholy fire. It was
blacker than a sunken nightmare. But also pleasant, a quiet seduction of pain
and suffering, twisting the mind, giving the excitement I wanted. But the will
to survive took hold in the end.

I changed perspective.

Now I’m moving into another light. Satan
has come and gone. I’m left to my own devices, to explore a reality frame of an
enchanted future. Space-ships, red moons and blue planets. A physical sphere of
nocturnal environments, women, emotions, intellect. A golden fabric of space
and time, growing more immense as time passes. Giving indications to a restructuring
of a deeper mystery, unfathomable to myself.

Away from the discoveries of the past, not
limited to “objective knowing”, but changing perspective as time
passes on.

Creating my own future.