It’s getting better all the time…

One of the expressions from a friend I met
in Hua Hin, Thailand. That’s how this journey have been: Ups and downs, but
mostly up, up, up. It’s like science, observing what’s happening and thinking
about it in an objective way. Emotionally I mostly color things in black or
white, truth is something between those extremes. But sometimes you just write
about what you feel because it makes you feel better, true or false. I’m
writing about my emotions. But I’m getting more rational overall, the only way
to keep the spirit alive.

I’ve discovered that the greatest enemy is
within – impulses to extend my thinking into the leap of faith. Like believing
in mindless revolutions, like hitting on a girl just because of my sexual
drive. You have to put it into perspective: Not killing your emotions, because
without emotion no life. But guided by intellect, put restrain on the emotional
impulse, and then noticing that emotion increases, just because you don’t make
a fool of yourself.

I still believe in revolution though: But
revolution is a delicate thing. Creating a system with a scientific approach:
Study, observe, evaluate, think. Make experiments and evaluate. If success go
further, if failure think again. Go one step at a time, slowly, patient and
don’t forget about yourself! A dead intellectual is a good case for a lost
revolution.

You learn as time passes. I’m working on
books and the content is just getting better with time. I was all about emotion
before. Emotional value, landscapes, storytelling as a means of entertainment.
But that was just a precursor for things to come. I learned from my failures
and success and incorporated those concepts in the writing that came later.
Which was more about ideas. I didn’t like it at first but was overwhelmed
later, when I discovered that my ideas could be put to use for the general
public as possibilities, stimulating free thought.

My coming book is about a revolution in the
future, modified from the treatment I presented a couple of days ago. You
write, rewrite and formulate a clearer picture of what you searched for in the
beginning.

Hopefully arriving at more depth.

What more?

I’m starting to help my friends. At one
point I was silent. Didn’t know what to say. And it was a wise decision. But as
my intellect expanded I started to analyze the meetings I had and started to
see that the problems I saw actually had a solution. I just couldn’t see it
before because I believed in the wrong things. I always have been afraid of
power. To influence anything. Because I thought I knew nothing. But that’s
nihilism and nihilism is a very destructive thing. So I had to give it up in
the end.

What I started to do was not simple. I
started to be more honest to myself. What did I do that didn’t work? What did I
do that actually worked? What didn’t work was talking without head, just
assuming I had the answers. I tried on many occasions but didn’t get any
attention. But when I really started to analyze life, myself and my past
relations, not according to mindless assumptions but informed by the reality of
the thing I had a new understanding. And with this new understanding I got the
attention I wanted. People I talked to gave the impression they almost knew
about the “answers” before but just hadn’t thought about them.

No greater satisfaction than helping a
friend.

But things comes and goes. You just have to
do what you think is right during the circumstances. Sometimes you think you
know nothing and it’s nothing you can do. I think it’s all about the balance:
Go with what you found out by your own research, think about it and discard the
rest.

Believing in nothing but your theoretical
framework.